$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
