Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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