Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
