Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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