apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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