I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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