i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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