She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
