"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
