can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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