He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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