if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
