Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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