i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
