wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
