before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
