Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
