Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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