the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
