Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
