she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
