Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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