i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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