Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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