he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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