Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I met the friendliest cop last night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
