Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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