she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
