we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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