I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish there were birth control emojis
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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