Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
