like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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