new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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