imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
