if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
