my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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