Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
