Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
