just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?