Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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