the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
