You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
