Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
