there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
