We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
