I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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