Your dad touched me again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
