Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
