I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
