I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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