party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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