i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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