my being single is dangerous.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
