Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
