He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
