Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
