I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
