I bet he comes in French.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
