..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
