I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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