i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
