Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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