you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
