when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
smell my finger.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
