But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
