Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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