Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
