If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
