worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
