haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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