Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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