so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
