I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
