so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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