I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
