There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
